I cannot forgive you Mom

I cannot forgive you mom

I was 7 years old since when you have always been mean to me, Mom. I vividly remember that day when I played so hard in the hot sun. With stomach rumbling and love filled in my heart; I came running home to hug you, thinking you will serve me food. Instead, you snapped at me to serve it myself and I was so hurt Mom. I remember throwing a tantrum but you stood your ground. Before I knew, I had grown so big that I didn’t need you to serve me food anymore. That was the last you ever served me food as you were just so mean, Mom.

You knew very well I liked to snuggle up to you while sleeping. But, you chose to wake up early morning at 3 am leaving me warm with just a blanket. You used to walk a few kilometers to fetch water for us, all this while keeping a night lamp ON. That dim light used to bother me Mom. I used to yell and throw things at you to stop the hustle bustle at those wee hours. All you did was pat me back to sleep and I cannot forgive you Mom, for disturbing my cozy sleep.

I never used to like the food you prepared. My friend’s mom used to cook so many varieties of food and, here, I was bored of eating the same food every single day. I think you were just lazy to prepare good food Mom. And, I am sure even you didn’t like the stuffs you made, because, I have seen that you slept without eating many a times. You left that food for dad to finish, after he comes home late at night. You were so selfish and, therefore, I cannot forgive you Mom.

You always used to take care of my sisters and brother better, Mom. You didn’t mind walking few kilometers to see them off to school in the morning, cook food for them once you were back and, walk again all the way to feed them lunch. I am sure you would secretly hug and kiss them too, Mom. I used to really enjoy the time when you were out and left me at my friend’s home. Her Mom would tell me that my legs would hurt if you took me along, but I knew better Mom. You never loved me enough to take me along. After all, you didn’t give me time even after coming back. You found joy in washing clothes and doing other mundane stuff all day. I cannot forgive you for being a big bore, Mom!

I have even told you a couple of times that I don’t like you. I expected you to realize that I needed your love and how lonely I feel. You never understood or consoled me; instead, you started crying yourself, Mom!

Today, I am a Mom and I still know better. I will strive to be the mother that you could never be, Mom. I will give my kids the best that I can. I will work hard all day long so they can get a life so comfortable. I will give them the healthiest food to eat just so they can grow really well. I know they don’t like the food I prepare, but, I just know better than them Mom.

I know we are busy earning a livelihood and, usually get to spend very little time with kids. How can I? I have to take care of the house, kids and even work along. I have a maid to help and even arranged for school transport so I wouldn’t have to drop them off. It gets very tiring, Mom. And you know very well that it’s a bit difficult in our times, to give as much time as kids would please.

I know I just have two kids while you had five. I try to balance work and home but, I still don’t find some time off for myself, Mom. The other day, I had a very bad day at work and all I wanted to do is just sit in peace for a while. My 7 year daughter just wouldn’t understand and she wanted only me to serve her lunch, Mom. I snapped at her so hard that she cried for long. I just couldn’t care as I was feeling so down.

With another toddler around, I remain so busy around him that I forgot all about the incident in the days to come. She is being cold to me since, as I love her brother more, that’s what she thinks. It’s been a while that I found time to serve her food, but Mom, I think she is doing just good.

I am doing the best I can and I love my kids a lot. But, the other day she came up to me and said she hates me, Mom. I felt so hurt that before I knew, my eyes were wet as she just snapped at me and with her friends, she left.

I wonder till date, what I ever did. She just muttered so easily that I cannot forgive you, Mom!

 Disclaimer: This is NOT the story of MY LIFE. This is a story weaved from various incidents and situations that I have heard, seen or read. Every mother has her own battles which children don’t understand and perceive in a different way. All the way, children complain and hurt their parents unknowingly. As teenagers, some even blame their parents. But, only when they themselves become a parent they understand what it is to be one and that every parent does the best they can for their kids. Life comes a full circle. By then, its too late to seek forgiveness and, at other luckier times, parents still listen to their kids (like how the protagonist is telling her pain to her own mom who she found to be mean) and stand by them in their tough times – irrespective of the past.

Image Credit:

Cover Photo – anitapeppers from Morguefile

Inside Photo – kamuelaboy from Morguefile

 

First published in mycity4kids.com with about 230,000 views

Also, published in Huffington Post

 

 

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